You know I never really appreciate my home until i've been away for too long from it! Over the last two weeks I have spent over a week in all, away from my nice cosy bed, all the kids toys, all the comforts of 'home'. I'm also glad to be home because the whole reason for the last trip was a funeral. We buried my dear Nan on Monday just gone and she is now in peace. I hope. For all I know she could be turning in her grave at some of the things that the family have been saying to one another. I understand that everyone grieves differently but to name call, threaten & ostracise certain members of a family because of differnces in opinion, the way they live, and harmless messages sent in grief.....I will never understand this. It has got me thinking how I would like to be buried....I know, I know, very morbid considering my age, my health (ok ish!) and circumstances!
But I have decided anyway, I would like to be buried. I want a plot of land that I own. If i can't afford a bit of land whilst I'm living then I certainly want it when I'm dead and buried! I want a white coffin, pink flowers, I want people to wear pink to my funeral (my fav colour can you tell!) and I want to have my full make up on so i go out looking my best ;). I saw my nan before she was buried and she looked awful, there was not a touch of colour about her anywhere so I couldn't fool myself that, 'it's ok she is just sleeping' ....even my grandad was more done up than her. It is an awful thing to go and say good bye when they are gone anyway, but to see her looking so frail, pale & frankly distressed, it was very upsetting. I'm just glad my children didn't come in with me!
Anyway back to my funeral I want people to sing at my funeral not read morbid tributes. I love singing *even if not very good at it!* and think it makes your mood better no matter what the situation. I'd love for people to remember me for the good times, as well as the bad...it's always a sad day when you have to go and say your goodbyes, but it is enivitable. life goes on. For every death, i'm sure someone, somewhere is celebrating a new life.
I would also like all of my family to be there, reunited in grief. Not against one another because they are fighting over possessions, wealth or anything else materialistic (let's face I don't have much anyway....if they would all like to take a debt each, they are more than welcome to it lol i'm sure hubby would appreciate that!)
At my grandma's funeral we all went our seperate ways at the wake. Half went to the organised do, and my half went to the local pub, so we could pay our respects and not bad mouth the other half. And also actually celebrate a life, not tell everyone what we had managed to pillage from the house. Her possessions were little and apparanly 'worthless' (quote one family member) to me however, every little thing reminded me of my childhood spent at her house, or parties, or even the sad times when we would gather in the front room. Her furniture (such as the sofa) that she refused to part with, yet spent more money re-covering year after year rather than buying a new replacement. I remember the little brass ornaments that she used to go nuts at everytime one of us touched them....the little teapot, and iron and other such things, all made from brass. they made great toys! And it is that sort of thing that is priceless to us, yet we can not keep. All of the house has been packed up and sent to a hospice because of the family rows.
I always thought family were supposed to stick together, through thick and thin. Take first seat over friends. Blood is thicker than water, i was told, time and time again. And it is these members of the family that instilled this into me that are the ones going against that grain. Despicable.
I'm sorry this blog has turned into a right miserable diary full of regrets, sadness & nothing funny nor happy. But alas, this is how I feel! No wonder I only have 3 followers ;)
Such is life!
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